'How do I build self confidence in my son?' is a question that we are often asked,  Just as often people also want to know How do we build self confidence in daughters, partners ourselves or our friends.  The answer is very similar for anyone.  You build self confidence by giving the person many, many opportunities to practice the thing they feel under-confident about.

 Sometimes people ask us ‘Is building self esteem the same as building self confidence in my son?’ and our answer is NO!.  We think that self esteem and self confidence are different. They do influence one another but they are not the same.  How do I build self confidence in my son can be done through helping him do the skill he wants to learn over and over again.  By encouraging him, believing in him and letting his whole body learn what it feels like to be a person who can do that thing.

Self confidence is about DOING.  Self esteem on the other hand is about BEING.  Our self esteem is about how we feel about our inner worth.  It is not the same as us believing that we can do something well – or not.  So, ‘ How do I build self confidence in my son?’ needs to be separated out from ‘How do I build self esteem in my son, or daughter, or friend....’

 To build self confidence you need to focus on, praise, give feedback about and be interested in what they are doing and to build self esteem you need to focus on admiring, loving, enjoying them as a person.   

How do I build self confidence in my son can also involve building his self esteem.  Sometimes children have such lkow self esteem it affects their capacity to learn to do things.  If this is the case try building their self of personal power (a very important component of their self esteem) first.  Help them make choices and pay a lot of attention to them when they do, telling them how wonderful they are and what a difference their input has made.  Gradually this component of self esteem will help to pave the way to higher self confidence too.

If you want to know more about How to build self confidence in your son click here to access our short questionnaires to help you work out whether it is his self esteem or his self confidence needs support first